i was 'socially around' today and realised- i've lost it. i've lost the ZING! i once had. or at least i thought i once had. it's like i don't stand out anymore. or that i'm around people who stand out too much. and when i try to start a brilliant conversation, i feel repressed.

what usually happens when i'm around people i'm not very acquainted with:
- i try very hard to think of things to say
- i don't really listen to what they're actually saying
- i say an off-colour joke
- i make horny/crude jokes, excessively
- i indirectly point out my flaws (insecure, much)
- i indirectly point out their flaws (ditto)
- i tell them exactly what i'm thinking. by experience people do not enjoy this
- i laugh at things which are, believe me, extremely unamusing

it's like i'm elliot from scrubs without the cute factor and the promiscuity.

and yes, i've lost it. i don't think i'm extravagantly interesting anymore. my coolness is of a more subdued nature, perhaps.

who am i shitting here, ha, but gosh i can't help it if i crack myself up all the time. on a much lighter and whinier note, when am i getting my paycheck!!!??? i want to go bar-hopping and stuff.