okay, this is going to be a sentimental post. i'm here at starbucks on a rainy day with the most melodramatic soundtrack you can possibly hear. i've read two of my friends' blogs, both with equally sentimental posts about their 3 years in school. and they left me feeling nostalgic. i know, i could have used a word which is not that obvious but that's how simple my feelings are right now. they're just that. nostalgic.
i'm not sure what i'm so sad about really. i feel like my transition from tertiary student to officially school-less should be more panicky instead of teary. but well. i hugged almost everyone on the last day, hoping to leave a little bit of myself in their memories. i looked into their eyes when i spoke, hoping that whenever they would see a fair malay girl wirh awesome curly hair they would think of my eyes and nothing else. yes, i'm the kind who hopes too much. i'm female, so it's perfectly excusable.
what should i write about in this paragraph? how about the fact that i'm still not sure who my real friends are in poly? friendship talk is overrated. everyone is always wondering, always doubting simple gestures and simple conversations and overanalysing things. i say my new goal (if you could call it that- i say it's less serious-sounding than i let on) is not to make more real friends, but to make friends whom i can hold a conversation with. and it's gotta be a two-way thing. not the kind of conversation you'd imagine to have with tyra banks- the one who's ALWAYS relating every single problem you have to herself. i mean, we get it, you're black and you were hideous as a youngster, but that doesn't make you an amateur, overpaid psychologist. being 'from the hood' does not entitle you to know how i feel. how could you possibly know how i feel!? i'm muslim!
that really isn't very funny. back to the whole issue of being like a sentimental fuck. i need to channel this somewhere. i can't be in this state of nostalgia when i don't know where it triggered from. it has to have a starting and ending point somewhere, this dazed feeling. it has to have a catalyst, and it has to have closure.
i fear that i will forever be this way.
i'm not sure what i'm so sad about really. i feel like my transition from tertiary student to officially school-less should be more panicky instead of teary. but well. i hugged almost everyone on the last day, hoping to leave a little bit of myself in their memories. i looked into their eyes when i spoke, hoping that whenever they would see a fair malay girl wirh awesome curly hair they would think of my eyes and nothing else. yes, i'm the kind who hopes too much. i'm female, so it's perfectly excusable.
what should i write about in this paragraph? how about the fact that i'm still not sure who my real friends are in poly? friendship talk is overrated. everyone is always wondering, always doubting simple gestures and simple conversations and overanalysing things. i say my new goal (if you could call it that- i say it's less serious-sounding than i let on) is not to make more real friends, but to make friends whom i can hold a conversation with. and it's gotta be a two-way thing. not the kind of conversation you'd imagine to have with tyra banks- the one who's ALWAYS relating every single problem you have to herself. i mean, we get it, you're black and you were hideous as a youngster, but that doesn't make you an amateur, overpaid psychologist. being 'from the hood' does not entitle you to know how i feel. how could you possibly know how i feel!? i'm muslim!
that really isn't very funny. back to the whole issue of being like a sentimental fuck. i need to channel this somewhere. i can't be in this state of nostalgia when i don't know where it triggered from. it has to have a starting and ending point somewhere, this dazed feeling. it has to have a catalyst, and it has to have closure.
i fear that i will forever be this way.
posted by l'excessive at 11:16 PM
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