I saw him today. Wow. How do I begin to describe this feeling? I think I’m still in love with him. Oh god. I love him. I love him I love him I love him. I love how he is, I love how he makes me feel, I love him so much. And yet he doesn’t know. I think I must cry this out. Cry everything out and then wake the next day and think about him again. He is so good. So pure and perfect and I love him. Oh my god. I can’t stop. I won’t be able to stop thinking about him now. I love him. His face, his smile. And he saw me first. I didn’t see him at all. And I listened to our song earlier. Gosh, ‘our song’. It sounds so juvenile. Black, black heart. I listened to it in the train and thought of him. I thought of him. And now im replaying it back in my head. How my colleagues and I were stepping into the food court and how I felt so new and mature and corporate-ish and great and how I was really hungry and was surveying the area for food, saw a couple of generic-looking malay dudes then bam- he caught my eye. He was smiling. He was smiling at me with that same smile, and it was exactly the same. I felt exactly the same. I felt new and old and shocked and I was in a daze. I started to panic. I gave him a normal smile, of course, and I mouthed oh my god and waved. Then I went off to find food. I love him. It’s surreal. Encounters with him are surreal. It’s like for once my body and mind was present but my heart wasn’t. then now im back here, in the office, alone, and old again. I feel old. I feel wasted. I’m not myself anymore and I want him. At least, I want to be able to see him once in a while. To just talk to him and look at him and see him smile and laugh and feel like how I used to feel. And feel. I want to feel. I want to feel myself when I’m around him. I want to be able to feel happy and sad at the same time. Not like now. Now I’m so angry. Gosh I can’t believe I saw him. The love of my life. He doesn’t even know.